Something new on my site, here, ladies: a guy!
Mark is a fellow-Arkansan, his site recommended to me by another Arkansas blog friend. I have been impressed with his openness and his great sense of humor under stress and asked him if he might enjoy sharing with us a bit, today, on what makes a good woman.
Well, it’s sort of a valentine, right?
I learned a lot reading this, got a firmer foundation about what really matters. I’ve stopped thinking about the latest make-up trend for a while. I know my husband would agree with what follows, and that is where I need to concentrate.
Mark blogs at Holding Together the Jello. Don’t you love that name? Please go visit him and thank him for this.
The Ten Things a Good Woman Does Right
My story is not that of the usual single guy looking for a mate. My wife died from cancer about nine years ago. We had been married almost 12 years. And like most young couples, we probably didn’t have a clue what we were getting ourselves into when we married. I know I didn’t put as much thought into it as I should have.
But following a period of grieving after my wife’s passing, I found myself lonely and ready to try to move forward–to try to find, again, that special someone to share my life with.
This time, however, I am older, more mature than when I first married. Plus, I have the added responsibility of two kids to take care of. I am no longer the care-free bachelor I had been. I have to think about the influence the right person could make on my kids. I am forced to consider, really consider, what I am looking for in a mate.
There is no one list of right or wrong attributes in a wife. We all have different needs and different priorities. No one (including and specifically myself) is perfect. So we have to take the bad with the good, the weaknesses with the strengths. And since no one is perfect, we have to decide what we most want in a spouse, and where we are willing to compromise.
Here are some of the characteristics that are most important to me (not in any order) when I consider beginning a relationship with a woman:
1. Being Christian
This is a must for me. Christianity is an important aspect in my life, and I know it’s important that my mate feel the same way. If this one doesn’t match, then probably many of our values and priorities won’t match either.
2. Emotional security
I can’t stress how important this is. It’s important to be with a person who feels good about self, about who she is.
Everyone has problems: baggage from growing up, from previous relationships, from the nicks and bruises we all pick up traveling through life. But if the person isn’t comfortable with herself, then I feel it will create co-dependency. That’s not the best way to start a relationship.
This trait goes hand-in-hand with emotional security. A woman who is stable emotionally, will have an air of confidence in all (or almost all) she does, will radiate energy and positive attitude to those she comes in contact with.
I don’t have any problem with knowing I’m right. However, I appreciate a woman who has the confidence to point out that no, this time, I happen to be in the wrong (which is more times than I care to admit.)
For anyone, a supportive mate is important. However, I think it might be more important to a man. We tend to have more of an ego and (often to our detriment) more pride than women. We need the woman in our lives to support what we do–in our jobs, in the community, with the kids. And we need the encouragement that goes along with that in all we do.
I’m not sure most men would admit this, but I think most of us enjoy the company of an intelligent woman. I like someone I can talk to about a variety of subjects, and I enjoy talking with a woman about topics of interest to her, not just those things that are important to me.
I think this trait ties back into confidence. A sense of intelligence often leads to the confidence needed to carry a woman through any situation, whether at home or in social settings.
All relationships need the security of honesty. Once that trust is broken, it’s difficult to restore–even in the best of relationships. I’ve made mistakes in this area, and it’s always a hard and valuable lesson. A relationship can’t survive without honesty on both sides of the equation. I think it’s fair to say that if you don’t have trust in your relationship, then you don’t have a relationship.
While many men like the idea of having “someone to take care of,” there is also a point when we need our mate to take care of herself. I like doing small things for the woman in my life, but I don’t want it to come to the point where I’m taking on another child.
A sense of independence and confidence will also lead to each spouse in the relationship giving the other some space to be themselves–space to spend time with friends, to do things they enjoy, and to expand and grow as we were all meant to do–and to allow that freedom without attaching any strings of guilt.
This may not be as important to some men as it is to me, but I like a woman who is playful, a woman who can move from a serious topic, to something light-hearted, back to a serious issue without missing a beat. I like to be playful, and I like a partner who doesn’t stress being serious on a full-time basis, but who also knows when it’s time to be serious, and doesn’t mind reminding me when that time has arrived.
9. Positive attitude
This is a big one for me. The last thing I want is to spend my time with a person who has a gloomy outlook on life in most situations. I like to be with a woman who gives off a positive vibe wherever she goes, and lights up the lives of those around her with that attitude.
10. Sense of humor
Having a sense of humor is one of the most important traits to me, because I have a sense of humor. I want someone I can laugh with, someone I can share inside jokes with, someone who can laugh, even in some of the worst circumstances. Life is too short to be unhappy, and a sense of humor is so important to help us through the day-to-day trials that life throws our way.
While this list isn’t exhaustive and won’t fit every man’s idea for “the ideal”, these ten traits in a woman are important to me and what I’m looking for in a future wife. They picture the person I would like to spend my life with.
And we all know that when we’re with the right person, home IS cool, and a wonderful place to be.
Mark is a single father of two (very energetic) kids. He teaches marketing at a small university. He loves spending time with his kids, running, and blogging, which he just started in May of 2013. You can follow his blog at www.holdingtogetherthejello.com
Well, friends, which one of the ten resonates best with you? Comment below!